Tim Sylvia is a GREAT eBAYER!!!!!!1A+++++++!!!!

OK, so you’re probably the most-hated champion in the history of the Ultimate Fighting Championship and have the appeal of a mange-ridden three-legged dog who just mauled your baby brother and peed in your shoes.

People claim you’re a sham — a guy who won a title by default because an entire division sucked ass. Yet, you’re so proud of your championship belt that you wear it everywhere: guest appearances, UFC weigh-ins, photo ops, hunting trips, the bath tub and God knows where else.

Your fights are boring, you have the physique of a deflated balloon, and honestly, you seem more “geeky” than anything. Oh, and that nickname — the “Maine-iac.” Jesus, man. Jesus.

So how possibly could you, a guy who just made $120,000 for one of the lamest fights of the 2006 season, possibly piss off UFC fans any more than you already have?

Wait for it… just wait…

You announce that you’re selling a PS3…

On eBay…

For $800…

You call it “THE ULTIMATE CHRISTMAS GIFT”…

Pose in the photo…

And then offer to “sign the outside of the box if the buyer requests.”

So you can make a crummy $800.

Jeesh.

There you have it folks. Your UFC heavyweight champion. Of the world.

It’s no wonder people hate this guy. Personally, though, I don’t mind Tim all that much. It’s not his fault the heavyweight division has virtually no talent, and I can’t hate on a guy for being himself. Still, though, I’m sure I could make a buttload of cash if I just went ahead and marketed a line of “Even Jesus Hates Tim Sylvia” T-shirts.

Seriously, though. What kind of professional athlete sells stuff on eBay? And then uses his celebrity to try to jack up the selling price? And then uses him homepage to announce that Ebay auction?

The “Maine-iac.” That’s who.

Tim, let me talk directly to you now for a minute. You see Tim, the UFC’s getting pretty big these days. Lots of new fans are coming in. We’ve got the mainstream press talking about us almost daily — just a few years after the sport was labeled “human cockfighting” and kicked off pay-per-view. We just got over this whole “Bloodsport” image. But dammit, Tim. I — and the rest of the UFC’s fanbase — will be damned — DAMNED! — if you replace that image with one filled with geeks and Ebay PowerSellers.

So shape up. You’re the goddamned champion, for chrissakes. Start acting like it.

And while you’re at, put in a bid for this auction (link here).

You’ll thank me later.